


when did you realise that?

by onceuponalazy



Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: (it's not in great detail but it happens), F/M, Falling In Love, Matthew dies, Mentions of Death, a character study, also eventual marriage, but is sweet and heartwarming, doesn't really follow canon for either, gilbert recounting many aspects of his and anne's relationship, which is fun!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22224469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onceuponalazy/pseuds/onceuponalazy
Summary: Gilbert recounts the moments of his life that he realised certain things about his Anne with an e.
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe & Anne Shirley, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Comments: 8
Kudos: 143





	1. when did you realise that she was beautiful?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so i started writing this series all the way back in 2017 and am only now getting around to editing it now. i put it in the tags already but i just wanted to restate that the events in this series will not perfectly line up with the canonical events of awae or the original novels. also i'm from australia which is why some spelling might be different to what you are used to. 
> 
> with that out of the way, please enjoy!!

He had always admired beautiful things and she was no exception. 

If you asked him directly he could never really pinpoint the exact moment that he realised that she was the most beautiful girl that he had ever known, if he was being honest it was just something that he knew. Like a fact. Or a memory. He could, however, recall moments that she looked the most beautiful.

The first time that he saw her would be the first he would bring up. Her eyes lit up in both fear and anger as she watched Billy in front of her. He had immediately stepped forward, not to protect her but to protect Billy. Something about the way that she stood with defiance in her eyes told him that she would not take anything and Billy was the best person that he knew that could dish out ‘anything’. Her beauty had shocked him then. He had not expected her to look at him like that as he had stepped forward, diverting Billy’s attention from her to him. Like he was her hero, that he was her savior with so much awe and gratitude in her eyes that it was almost overwhelming. That was the first time.

The second was just later that day. He watched, frozen in shock as her breathing slowed, watching as she looked down at the broken slate in her hands. Her anger subsiding with her mouth falling slightly agape as the realisation of what she had just done settled upon her. His eyes could not bear to move from her as she looked around to see everyone’s reaction and he could not help but feel a rush of empathy towards her as he watched her wince at their laughter. He remembers that his eyes had skimmed over her face one last time before he forced himself to return to his seat. Noting how her hair landed across her forehead in light wisps. How her hands slightly shook as the adrenaline left her body. How each freckle on her face appeared brighter and more beautiful at her current state.  
The next time he could remember that he truly noted her inner and outer beauty was a few weeks after that, on the day that she had traveled to his house to deliver him the work he had missed whilst caring for his father. He had watched helplessly as his biggest secret was exposed to her. The secret of how truly sick his father was. Fear had rushed through him, almost paralysing him as he had gripped the door frame, turning away from her as he watched as his father returned to his bedroom. He did not want to turn around, did not want to see the absolute pity on her face, the same forced concern that he had endured for weeks now by the people in town. 

But then he heard her say his name. 

Say it in a way so different than any other time that she had uttered it. A way that was just so loving and kind that it made him turn back around and face her. Her face appeared emotionless but her eyes were a different story. They were a sea of pain and sorrow and love and want and so many different things that it was almost too much for him. He allowed his eyes to meet hers then and watched as she just let out a deep breath at this action, looking away to pull a stray hair back into place before lifting her head to meet his gaze once more. He remembers how it felt when his breath just left his body as she looked at him again, tears in her eyes and before he could even say anything she handed him his books and turned away, rushing away from him, wiping her face as she did so. Her actions leaving him speechless at her beauty and how beautifully she carried her pain.

Later, after his father’s death, he had run into her. Watching her through the shop window, his heart expanding frightfully at the sight of her. Suddenly the door opened and she was in front of him, a beaming smile on her face that he knew matched his. Feeling hopelessly warm at the absolute joy in her voice as she said his name and at that moment he once again was taken back by her beauty just like he would be for the rest of his life.


	2. when did you realise that she was smart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got excited so here is part two, enjoy!

He had known that she was smart from her very first day in class. Immediately showing to the whole class that she was extremely strong in writing and reading and spelling. With her only downfall being the maths subjects. During these lessons he would steal glances at her, worrying that she was falling behind or not understanding the content.  
As time passed and his father’s condition worsened he had decided that he simply could not bear to leave his father with anyone else. And because of this, he obviously could not attend school. 

He immediately began to worry for her, pacing up and down the halls as he kept on asking himself; who would now offer her small comments that were intended to be helpful but ended up encouraging her competitive gene? Who would now irritate her to a point of actually caring? 

This fear had only increased after he left Avalon. 

He found himself constantly wondering how she was going. Had she worked incredibly hard and fought to be top of the class by now or had she been pushed down by the overwhelming, constant pressure to be as ordinary as the rest. 

Perhaps Billy was now in front of the class. That thought had brought him back to that afternoon in the snow. How dare Billy refer to Anne as that ugly orphan. Anne’s features may not exactly line-up with society’s idea of traditional beauty but she was still beautiful and strong and smart and much more interesting than the likes of Josie Pye. So he did what any reasonable guy defending someone they care about would do. He punched him.

He remembers the grand satisfaction that he had when his fist connected with the other boy’s jaw and could not help but wonder if Anne had threatened him again. She probably had knowing her. Who would have shown up in the woods just in time? Who would now punch Billy for disrespecting her? 

He wondered if she missed him at all. Even if just a small amount. Just a fraction of the amount that he missed her. 

He realised when he stood in front of the double doors of the school months later, holding his scarf in one hand and his satchel in the other that he had been worrying for nothing. 

He had walked right in without any warning, smiling slightly at the loud amount of noise and mayhem that his arrival caused.

“Ah, Mr. Blythe,” Mr. Phillips announced loudly over the loud chatter, “here to stay?”

His eyes traveled to where Anne was sitting, a beaming smile on her lips as she took him in.

“I believe so sir,” he said with a small smile.

And throughout the day he watched as Anne flourished, answering every single question that Mr. Phillips fired at her correctly and by the end of the day he could not remember why he even worried in the first place.


	3. when did you realise that she was strong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda short but i fell in love with this idea and just had to write it

He had only just arrived back and suggested that they went for a trip into the city. She had immediately agreed and rushed to get ready, dressing in her white dress accompanied by white ribbons at the ends of her braids. 

He had proposed for them to take a carriage or perhaps even just a horse but she had declined both offers, wishing for them to walk so they could to catch up provoking him to tell tales of his travels, the longing for adventure in her eyes making him easily oblige to her wishes. They talked the whole way and she was overly excited throughout his stories of visiting places outside of Avonlea. As their conversation continued he was suddenly hit with a wave of guilt and sadness, he wished that she had come with him, had been able to experience everything not just hear his stories. When he told her this she smiled at him appreciatively before repeating the same words that she had told him a year or so ago when he told her of his wishes to travel.

When they finally reached town he offered for them to travel to the café that they had visited before he had left and when he did not get an answer from her, he turned around to see her looking across the road, pain evident on her face.

“Anne?” He had asked and he watched as her eyes skimmed over to his, tears within them.

He looked over to where she had been looking and was shocked to see a man whipping his horse in order to get it to move. He looked over to her and saw that she was still tearful.

He attempted to connect this with her reaction. Why did this affect her in this way? Yes, animal cruelty was an awful thing but he himself could not really see Anne reacting in this way.

And then suddenly it hit him. He had heard rumors of course when Anne had first arrived that she knew far more and far worse things than any other respectable girl of her then and now age. Resulting in several mothers wishing for their young daughters to stay away from Anne but now that he truly considered it, how did she know about these things? He took a great amount of pride in his ability to make her smile and open up but her past homes and families were something that she had never shared with him and even just imagining the things that she may have been exposed to made his blood run cold.

“Anne?” He asked again and watched as she flinched as the man hit the horse again. Thinking instinctively, he grasped her arm and pulled her into one of the side streets, dropping his belongings and wrapping his arms around her thin form in an embrace as she began to sob. She burrowed her face into his neck and he felt tears begin to form in his eyes as she gripped the back of his sweater harder, her sobs coming out louder. 

“I’m sorry Anne,” he told her in a choked voice, “I am so endlessly sorry for everything that you have gone through,” she nodded into his neck and he let out a sigh. He hoped one day she would trust him enough to tell him everything from her past but until then he just would have to deal with only knowing that she was stronger than anyone else believed.


	4. when did you realise that she was brave?

He knew that she was rather daring when she smacked him directly on the head with her slate and even more so when she exited the classroom ignoring the calls of both Mr. Phillips and the rest of the students. 

He knew that she was rather heroic when he saw her across the Gills’ burning home, coughing harshly as she moved around the premises cutting of any oxygen to the house. He watched as she had dragged her way across their front lawn after the flames were contained as her new family members fussed over her awfully, offering her water and brushing away the tears from her singed cheeks. As he watched her he felt a sense of awe fill his body, in a state of shock that this girl had been daring enough to risk her life for the house of a family who had been nothing but cold to her since her arrival. 

He knew that she was rather courageous as he watched her yell up at Billy as they were rebuilding the collapsed home, her cheeks turning red at her anger at her efforts. He had watched for years as everyone, himself included had steered away from provoking Billy, worried about the spat it would cause - but she was different. She fought for the right thing, no matter what anyone else thought about her. Her moral compass was unmatched, something that he was so enamored with almost immediately. 

He knew that she was rather bold when she wished him goodbye that day in town. Nothing she had said was anything all that adventurous but her admitting that she had missed him and that she wished for him to stay safe was certainly brave of her knowing how her friends would react if she ever told. She had also told him to come home someday. And at that moment he had thought that if returning to Avonlea meant that she would keep on looking at him like that, he would be back as soon as he possibly could. 

He knew that she was almost fearless when she ran into his arms almost two years later in front of their entire class, in front of her so-called friends that had forced her to stay away from him when they first met. The girls apart from Diana who he could only guess would ignore and leave her out for days to come. But it was clear that she wasn’t concerned about their opinions now so he quickly pushed that thought away as he laughed happily, pulling her into his arms tighter. 

He knew that she was gallant when she pulled his neck down and touched their lips together. After years of what he saw as unrequited feelings, distant touches, cheek kisses and never-ending support she had finally given in to her emotions and let herself fall into him. 

He knew that she was brave however when she let him sit next to her in the sunflower field that grew in between their two houses. When she placed her head on his shoulder and told him everything. All of her pain and suffering. All of the things that she was exposed too as a young child. All of the bullying and laughter aimed at her. All of the things that she imagined. All of the traumatising things that she had faced in her young life. 

She talked until there were no more words to describe all that she had been through. He sat next to her and took her hand, squeezing it as a reminder of his presence and his love when she became too drawn into the story. 

In the end, he kissed her head as tears streamed down both of their faces. The two lovers laid together with souls now stripped bare, knowing that they could now love each other with no fear and no regrets.


	5. when did you realise that she was important to you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm back :)

He always had a habit of caring for people who could never care for him the same way. 

Ever since the day in the woods he found himself worrying about the girl. He had watched forlornly as she attempted to stay quiet when she wished to express herself in a way that only she could. He watched how she flinched when the others laughed at her beautiful readings or at how she didn’t always understand what the teacher or the other students were talking about.   
He wished to help her. He wished to help her understand. 

However, she had never needed anybody’s help, especially not his and she made that very clear to him when he offered her a helpful rhyme in order for her to remember a question in geography or later when she had bluntly told him that she didn’t need him on the train to Charlottetown. 

So he listened to her, leaving a distance between them because he had to. His father getting sicker resulted in him not wanting to leave the house for anything, no matter how important.   
He never expected for him to worry about her when she wasn’t there but he did. He worried as he cleaned or as he looked after the steeds or even when he was sitting beside his father. One day his father noticed that he looked troubled and would not let him just brush it off so he told his father the truth. 

He told his father about Anne. 

He discussed their first meeting and how she had hit him with the slate and how she beat him in the spelling bee. He then told his father about the night of the fire, how she had a kind enough heart to help those who had done nothing but turn their noses up at her. He then talked about how smoky her eyes got when she was angry and how as the day proceeded her hair would slowly unravel from her braids into little wisps that surrounded her face delicately. He talked until he could not talk anymore.

“Son,” his father had said to him, leaning over and taking his hand, “This girl, is she important to you?”

He had nodded at his father’s words. “Of course she is,”

“Then,” his father said happily, shrugging slightly. “Tell her that, tell her before you forever regret not opening your mouth.”

“I can’t, it’s much too early for that. And even if I did, as if she would ever see me that way.” 

His father had just smiled at him, squeezing his hand, his eyes full of love and joy. “Son, however could she not?”

Years later he was walking arm in arm with Anne retelling this story to her and she laughed lightly, calling his late father wise.

“And why would you say that Anne Shirley-Cuthbert?” He asked with a smirk on his lips.

“Because Gilbert Blythe,” she said stopping to stand in front of him, her eyes wide, full of happiness and emotion that he can now recognise as love. “You have been impossibly important to me since the day that we met.”


	6. when did you realise that she was your saviour

He would follow her anywhere. He just knew it. If she asked him to go up into the endless sky to fetch her a star, he would do his very best to achieve her wishes. He also knew that that could and would never change. What he did not know is that she felt the exact way about him.

Without this knowledge, he traveled through everyday life waiting for her to need him. Waiting and wishing for her to require his assistance for anything. He had never wished for something so desperately in his whole life. He was always wanting to help her. To make her feel better. To make her feel worthy of anyone’s attention. So after her dear Matthew’s passing, he was always hovering around her, asking her if she was okay if she needed anything. 

He just wished for her to know that he would always be there for her. He tried so desperately to make her smile, to make her feel loved. To let her know that he loved her oh so much. He put so much of his energy and efforts into this so when she told him to leave her alone he lost it. 

He returned to his bare, lonely home and sat at the kitchen sobbing into his hands, shaking uncontrollably. Every time he attempted to contain the heartbreaking sounds that were escaping him, he began to cry louder. 

He could not control it. He, Gilbert Blythe was officially alone. No family. No true friends. No true love in his life and in his mind he knew that he would be that way forever. He believed it so strongly that he convinced himself that he did not hear the hopeful sound of knocking at his front door. He did not dare to acknowledge it. He did not dare to let himself get hurt further. He did not dare to look up as he heard the door shut as someone advanced closer to him. 

Perhaps it was his father visiting him again like he had done so many times. Telling him magnificent stories of heaven and how he no longer felt pain. Telling him to always follow his heart and to let himself feel. 

Perhaps it was someone rather insignificant like Ruby or even Diana. Maybe they were here to tell him that he was brave. That he was smart. Things that would previously boost his ego. Things that would make him feel secure and safe. Things that now meant nothing.

However, as thin warm arms enclosed around his cold, pale shaking body he knew that it was none of the above. He turned in her grip and wrapped his arms around her trim form, nuzzling his head into her neck. She whispered to him softly as he continued to cry, wetting the shoulder of her school dress.

“I am so very sorry Gil,” she murmured pressing her lips to his forehead. “I never meant to hurt you,”

He just held onto her tighter as his sobs slowly subsided and he felt her sigh as she wrapped her hands into his hair, tugging on the soft strands lightly. 

“Forgive me, please.” She whispered softly as he gripped onto her tighter.

“However could I not,” he returned, placing a soft kiss on her bony shoulder.


	7. when did you realise that she loved you back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i'm back again! ummm i will most likely post the final chapter today or tomorrow and then i'll be done with this i think. if i get any new ideas for this ship/fandom it will most likely be posted in the form of a one-shot. 
> 
> anyway enjoy!!! 
> 
> also just a heads up that there are mentions of war in this chapter. not in a super descriptive way but i just wanted to give a warning just incase :).

He never expected her love. Despite this, he loved her. Of course, he loved her. He had been in love with her since the second that their eyes met. And how could he not? This girl was strong, smart, independent, kind, beautiful. She was the perfect example of the woman that he would one day wish to spend the rest of his life with. In his eyes, she was an angel and he was a mere boy. A boy who would never deserve the love of someone so poetic and alluring. A boy who could never heal the wounds found within the mesmerizing woman that moved around him like she was an angel.

He truly believed that she could never love him. And why would she? When they first met he had harassed her about her name and yanked her hair. So all he could do was watch with a broken heart as the other men approached her, commenting on her eyes or her cooking but never her brain. This had always angered him. Yes, she did have beautiful eyes that kept pools of emotion within them and yes, she could cook rather flavorsome meals but she was more than that. So much more. She was intelligent and caring and oh so opinionated. She had a personality to match her fiery red hair that she despised so much. She was Anne. She was perfect.  
He watched as guy after guy approached her and he felt his heart drop every time, even though she always declined their kind offers he knew deep down that one day she would accept one of the many offers. He knew that that would be the day that his heart physically shattered inside of his chest. As they grew older and more mature he attempted to put some space between them. 

Everywhere she went she had an armful of followers around her and he was honestly getting sick of it. Were they blind? Could they not see that she was not interested, that she was preoccupied with her writing and following her dreams?

And then, almost out of nowhere, the second world war started. 

He remembered reading about the first one in his battered history texts, physically shuddering as he had imagined what these people had gone through. And when he was fourteen and learning about the horrific events it made sense for him to never imagine the day where he would actively make the choice to enlist in the war. But he did. He did it to continue his late father’s legacy, to protect his home and his new family of Bash and Delphine, to protect his Anne. 

Despite his logical and realistic motive he fought against her becoming wise of his decision because he knew that if she did she would attempt to convince him to stay.   
She would tell him that the world around them didn’t need someone as bright and full of potential as he should risk his life over such a wasteful cause. To waste away on the other side of the world, filled with fear and anger and the presence of death. 

He knew her so well and somehow he didn’t consider that she actually would find a way to discover his secret. He knew that she knew when he heard the knocking against the hardwood of his front door, her shrill voice shouting at him through the stained material. He had answered the door and gasped as she unexpectedly jumped into his arms and hugged him tightly, pressing her lips against the overheated skin of his neck. 

“You simply cannot leave Gil,” she whispers, pulling him tighter to her, 

“And why is that?” he asked boldly. 

She pulled away slowly and looked up at him with glassy eyes and said the last thing that he had ever expected to fall from her lips.

“Because I love you, Gilbert Blythe,” 

He had gasped at her words, shock running through them. 

“You love me?” He asked. 

“Of course I do,” she responded, eyes wide with shock that he was sure matched his. “Did I not make that clear enough.” 

He is just speechless, shaking his head slightly at her words. “I truly never thought that you would have romantic feelings for me,” he responded eventually. “But I wish to go, I still have to go. I still have to fight and if it’s not fighting that I do I could still go over there as a medic, I could still help in that way. Follow my dreams in a way that would not only assist a town but instead our whole country.” 

And it's a shock when instead of fighting against his wishes, she just smiles up at him. 

“I suppose I have always wanted a tragic romance, and they do say that distance makes the heart fonder.” 

He laughs down at her before he feels her hands cup his face and pulls him down into a kiss that leaves them both breathless. 

He cannot help the awe and love that he is sure are in his gaze as she pulls away, his heart beating double time at the ghost of her lips on his, at the realisation that she loves him just as much as he loves her.


	8. when did you realise that she was your first and only love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the end :) 
> 
> i just want to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this, it was really cool to read the writing that i did back in 2017 and to fix it up.

He spent so much time trying to drown his feelings for Anne. Even from when they first met he knew he was attracted to her. But attraction was one thing and love was another. So back then the mere attraction that he felt for her didn’t worry him. 

But as time went by and they reached the end of the first year, after the tragedy of his father’s death had swept away, he couldn’t help but realise how his feelings had changed.  
And it was clear that he wasn’t the only one who thought so.

He remembered the look that the boys gave him after he had punched Billy in the face. And how could he forget the almost endless teasing that he had been on the receiving end of from Bash? And even how the new boy Cole looked at him after he greeted Anne back into his life in front of the entire school. It had been clear that they all thought that he was infatuated with her.   
And in the church, as he watched his new brother marry the love of his life he realised that they were all right. And when she had responded to his “tragical romance and all?” with “it remains to be seen,” he was desperate for it to be him that she was dreaming about.

As time went on it became clear to him that Anne’s feelings for him were not matched to those that he felt for her. It became even more clear to him, especially after she asked about the notice board on Ruby’s behalf. And even more so when she snapped at him on the way to Charlottetown, telling him that she didn’t need him at all.

He knew after this that he had to find a new object of his affection. And he quickly found it in Winifred. She was all that the typical female protagonist in all the fairytales he had read were. She was beautiful and polite and experienced. And was the perfect distraction from his conflicted feeling towards Anne. 

As time went on with Winifred he realised that he really did not feel whatever he was supposed to feel for his future wife with Winifred but he was far too terrified to end things with her now. Even going as far as to say that Winnifred was his future just to lose the feeling of dread that he had towards his life past Avonlea.

Days later he looked down at his mother’s ring, knowing now that it wasn’t to be thrown towards his fleeting relations with Winifred but instead to save it for his great love. The great love that he had for Anne. 

And because of that, he wrote the letter. 

Writing to tell her, truthfully so, that he wouldn’t be engaged to anyone but her. And that through it all it had always been her that he had loved and desired over. And that was when he that she truly was his first love. 

And years later as he watched Marilla walk his beautiful bride down the aisle to meet him at the altar he knew for sure that the love he felt for her could never be matched

And later that night when she was gazing up at him, consummating the love and trust between them. He truly knew that she was the only person that he would ever love like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please feel free to leave a comment or kudos or whatever! i adore these characters and i was really happy to be able to give my take on the love between them.


End file.
